Can you pay my bills?

Dear Gin,
I have recently found a nice older gentleman willing to take care of me. I thought to myself, "Self, this is too good to be true." Upon arriving at work the following day it hit me-- he was already the bill man for one of my co-workers. I knew she really gets "bent out of shape" by this man, but I need my bills paid too! This "lady" is a friend of mine, but she is old, engaged to someone else, and can pay her own bills! Should I stop pursuing this man?
Sincerely,
Bend it Like Beckham

Dear Bend it Like Beckham,
When you say "older" just how old are we talking? You know Gin doesn't care for the older man. (Boring, bald, saggy.)  Why are you looking for someone to pay your bills? Are you a cripple? Are you one of those lazy types who ride around on a Hover Round? Gin believes a lady always pays her own bills, no matta' what. I'm not saying don't entertain a wealthy gentleman, but pay yo' own damn bills! And your friend sounds like anything but a lady! Do you mean to tell me she has two men payin' her bills? I'm sorry, but your friend sounds like a whore. A lazy whore.  And they are the worst kind! So let's say you do want to pursue this gentleman, because I will assume he has more going for him than his willingness to pay electric bills and whatnot--what would happen if you told your friend? She is engaged, you mentioned.  So as a spoken for lady, she should want happiness for you, because that's what friends want. Especially if they are a "lady." But my wild guess is that the trifling lazy whore, might try to sabotage your new found happiness. Am I right? So where does that leave you? Now your bills aren't paid for, the gentleman has gone back to paying the lazy whore's bills, and now you don't have your friendship with your friend. So let's think of a new plan of action. It's easy really, have a garage sale for extra cash and pour yourself a cocktail. I don't know what else to say.
Cheers!
Gin